Where Are You On Your Self-Esteem Building Journey?
The author of the book Growing Into Your Parenting Role shares insights about
how his life experiences helped build his self-esteem.
Research has shown that self-esteem impacts parenting style. Parents with low self-esteem are more likely to develop a rigid parenting style, one that relies heavily on harsh punishment and rules (created by the parent) that must be strictly followed. These parents also provide more negative than positive feedback to their children. Children of parents with low self-esteem are more likely to grow up with self-esteem issues of their own.
By contrast,
parents with high self-esteem are more willing to try a participatory parenting
style where the children participate in the decision-making process. Also,
they typically use alternate forms of punishment. This parenting style gives
children the opportunity to develop high self-esteem and gives them positive
role models to develop their parenting skills when the time comes.
My Self-Esteem Foundation
My father ran away from an abusive home when he was ten years old. He hopped a train from Rome, Georgia to Chicago, IL where he was eventually adopted by a kind and loving family. He served and was wounded in WWII and returned home as a Disabled Veteran, His war injuries never stopped him from working to support me and my eight siblings - four of which were from my mother's previous marriage. He brought great confidence and self-esteem to the family.
Together, they raised us to value education, to always do our best, and to believe in ourselves.
My Self-Esteem Journey
I internalized my parents' values, and early in life, developed a mantra (i.e., life principle) that I would use to guide me. I modified a very common statement to create “Where there’s a Will . . . yum, there’s a way.”
I always believed there was a solution to every problem. Every challenge could be overcome. Just because it had not been done before didn’t mean I could not do it. I tested my mantra many times throughout my life.
- I applied for
entry to a college without taking the required SAT test. I was the first
student they accepted with ACT scores only in the 100-year history of the
school.
-
My first car
was a Toyota Corolla. My wife and I bought a stick-shift (because it was $1,000
cheaper) even though neither of us had ever driven a stick shift. I told Renée,
“If others can do it, we can do it,” and we did!
- I left my full-time job as a Program Director with the Atlanta University Center Colleges to start a training & consulting company with no money, no clients, and no experience in training. I knew I had a great idea and would do whatever it took to make it work, and I did - for 30 years until I retired.
I entered marriage with the same “Where there’s a Will . . . yum, there’s a way” philosophy. I was determined to make the marriage work. To live up to the promise I made to love and cherish Renée ‘til death do we part, and I did!
Passing The Lessons to The Next Generation
We understood the importance of self-esteem and passed that trait on to our children in ways large and small. We:
- modeled high self-esteem in our words and our actions.
- taught them to take responsibility for their actions.
- showered them with words of positive affirmation.
- showed them our authentic selves by laughing with them - even when the joke was on us.
- engaged them in decision-making with family meetings where everyone (parents and children) had an equal voice.
- challenged them to always do their best and had them re-due work that fell short.
- gave them decision-making and problem-solving tools and taught them how to use them.
- taught them how to say No! ... confidently and respectfully.
Where are you on your self-esteem building journey?
AUTHOR
William (Bill) Shackelford is the author of the book Growing Into Your Parenting Role (Book Logix: Mountain Arbor Press) and Founder of the Adulting and Parenting Academy
Comments
Post a Comment