Adulting Skills: The Missing Link to Great Parenting

 

by Bill Shackelford, Founder; AP Academy

Introduction

In 2019 I authored a book on parenting. It encapsulated the life lessons I had learned through 40 years of parenting my three children and, to date, ten grandchildren. The first half of the book focused on laying a solid foundation for parenting. It includes a host of tips, tools, worksheets, and activities designed to help future parents develop the skills they will need to function fully as great parents.

A few years later the term Adulting became very popular. Adulting speaks to the responsibilities and behaviors associated with mature, responsible, adults. I immediately saw the connection between developing adulting skills and being a great parent. I felt like the explorer who had stumbled upon the missing link of an unsolved puzzle.

The Missing Link

Adulting is the first step on the path to being a great parent. In fact, the introduction of my book includes the text

“From our experience as parents, we knew the first step in being great parents is to enter parenthood with a keen sense of self. We learned that who you are - your personality, behavioral style, sense of self - greatly influences the type of parent you can be.”

 

Ironically, the title of my book is, “Growing Into Your Parenting Role: Tips And Tools for Every Stage of Your Parenting Journey.” The convergence of these two concepts (Adulting and Parenting) confirmed my belief that the most effective way to improve the parenting skills of the next generation is to equip them with the life skills they need to be successful, independent, confident adults… before they became parents.

What has been missing till now is a concerted effort to empower young adults with the tools needed to thrive independently, make responsible decisions, and navigate the inevitable challenges that come with adulthood. We developed our AP Academy Personal Growth Boot Camp training to fill that void.

Learning Stages for Adulting and Parenting Training

Because there is such a vast array of topics that can be included under the umbrella of Adulting and Parenting training, it was necessary to create some order from the chaos. I used the topics I had researched for my book as a starting point for developing the AP Academy training. Then, I organized the topics into three learning stages – Foundation, Skills-building, and Application.

Foundation Stage: tackles the issues necessary to lay a solid foundation for the transition into adulthood and parenting. This stage includes modules on conducting a self-assessment, developing a life plan, how to select a good mate, and effective strategies for building trusting relationships. This is where individuals should start their adulting and parenting skills-building journey.

Skills-building Stage: helps adults develop (or sharpen) the skills needed to tackle adulting and parenting with ease. Training in this stage includes modules on knowing your communication style, managing your temper, conflict management, decision making, problem solving, and other critical skills. This skills-based training will also help young adults build relationships in the workplace and community.

Application Stage: guides participants through the process of applying learnings from the Foundation and Growth stages to their lives as they move beyond the “entering adulthood” stage. This is done with mentoring, coaching, and training. Modules here tackle topics such as how to create family values, how to blend parenting styles, creative discipline, mentor/coach parenting, how to give positive feedback, the value of undivided attention, and how to create lasting memories.

One additional key to adult learning is incorporating collaborative learning. Adults often learn by sharing their experiences and insights with their peers. In adulting and parenting training, this can be addressed by incorporating an online Community for group projects, discussions, or peer mentoring. With the technology that is available today, this can be an easy and inexpensive addition.

By progressing through the adulting and parenting journey with a clear understanding of the skills required at each stage, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed. This approach reduces stress and allows participants to enjoy the journey rather than fear it. Check out my blogs that provide detailed information about the Foundation Stage, Skills Stage, and Application Stage.

How to Effectively Train Adults

Let's talk about the practical side of adult training… how to transfer knowledge and skills and make it stick. I had a 30-year career as a DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) consultant where I provided training to more than 10,000 employees and managers. Early on I learned about The Cone of Learning. It stated that people retain 10% of what they Read, 20% of what they Hear, and 80% of what they Do. There is debate about whether the percentages are correct but, the trend of retaining more of what you do than what you read or hear proved to be spot on in my experience. Therefore, we designed our DEI training modules to always include three components: Awareness, Sensitivity, and Skills Building. These same components are used to built our adulting and parenting training.

Awareness: of why the topic is important, how it impacts adulting and/or parenting, and an assessment of their familiarity with the topic.

Sensitivity: actively engaging the participants in the topic by examining their real-life experiences and the experiences of others to shed a spotlight on the positive/negative impact of the topic under discussion.

Skills Building: using assessment instruments, activities, checklists, and other tools to ensure participants leave each training event with a skill they can apply immediately, and practice applying the skill.

In conclusion, mastering adulting and parenting requires an ongoing commitment to personal growth. By closing gaps in your adulting and parenting skills you can live a more fulfilling life and make the adulting and parenting experience one that is incredibly rewarding.